An Answered Prayer

27 January 2011

Three days ago, I received adverse news to one of the things that I was praying for to God. I was stunned. My initial reaction was to say that everything is going to be okay, that God will take care of everything. I was proud of myself, because I felt that I had faith in God. But as the hours started passing by, I became weary and burdened. I found it very difficult to sleep that night and I yearned out to God to help me to feel better the following day.

When I woke up, it was still with a heavy heart. I knew everything in my mind was right: That God knows what is best, that perhaps it is not yet time, that I just have to trust in Him. But it did not make my yoke feel any lighter.

I desperately prayed that morning, searching for answers, asking God for consolation. I thanked God for every single blessing that I had received – normally during times of troughs, this would always pick me up. But today, it wasn’t happening, I wasn’t feeling any better.

I looked for answers in the Compendium of the Catechism of the Catholic Church and my attention was brought to ‘The Battle of Prayer’.

575. How may we strengthen our filial trust?

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‘Filial trust is tested when we think we are not heard. We must therefore ask ourselves if we think God is truly a Father whose will we seek to fulfill, or simply a means to obtain what we want. If our prayer is united to that of Jesus, we know that he gives us much more than this or that gift. We receive the Holy Spirit who transforms our heart.’

I knew that I had to depend on God, fully. I knew I had to surrender myself to Him, totally. I prayed for the Holy Spirit to come to me. But for the first time in months, I felt a creeping doubt that consolation was to come. After my prayers, nothing much changed.

Throughout the rest of the day, I was experiencing much of the same dryness. I felt separated from God. And my torment was made worse by the guilt that I was experiencing because of my lack of faith. Is this how I am supposed to react to an unanswered prayer? Shame on me!

And then suddenly, it just happened. It was like my whole body and spirit was filled with peace. It happened at the gym and I wasn’t even praying. Abruptly, my heavy heart was lifted up. Unexpectedly, my concern did not even matter at all. All that was important was to be in union with God. I couldn’t explain it, but I just felt complete trust and faith in God.

My petition is not necessarily lost at this point in time because it could still possibly be resolved in my favor. But it doesn’t matter anymore. Regardless of the final outcome, I know that God has a plan for me, and He has awesome things in store! I thank God for allowing me the grace to trust in Him completely. Thank you God for sending me your Holy Spirit. Thank you for answering my prayer.