The Sacrament of Reconciliation

9 January 2011

5:30 p.m.

Today was my first day for the year that I was able to once again sing with my choir group at the 10:30 a.m. Sunday mass at our parish, Blessed John XXIII in Stanhope Gardens. As I went on a week-long vacation to the Gold Coast, I missed out on the New Year services as well as the first Sunday in Ordinary Time. I have to say, it felt good singing to God, while celebrating in the Eucharist.

Our parish priest, Father David Hume gave an inspiring homily, starting off with talking about the gospel from Matthew 3:13-17 (The Baptism of Jesus by John the Baptist). He talked about his experience baptising an infant who was born 30-days premature and thus, the size of his palm. In order to baptise the child, he had to use an eyedropper to put holy water over the head of the baby. For a while, I was afraid that the story might have an unhappy ending, but luckily he said that the baby had grown up already and is healthy (I am not sure if he mentioned the present age though).

Father Dave then went on to tie together the meanings of some of the different sacraments, ending with reconciliation. Father Dave admitted that there was a time (I think he meant in the year 2010) where he went 6 months without going to his confessor. He then made a commitment in front of everybody to go to confession at least once a month, and encouraged everybody to do the same.

I have a confession to make. Over the last 29 years, I have been to confession not even an average of once a year. And if I were to be very frank, I would go out of my way to go to confession usually right before taking a trip on a plane.  As I would travel on the average every 2-3 years, then you can surmise how often I went to confession. I remember one of my best friends (Felipe) asking me one advent season (I forget what year) whether I was able to go to confession already. I merely shrugged and said ‘not yet.’ But at the back of my mind, I really didn’t intend to go anyway, but my friend didn’t need to know that.

Why would I not go to confession? It is NOT because I did not believe in the sacrament – I really DID BELIEVE that for my sins to be forgiven, that I would have to verbalise them to a priest. But the thing is, I grew tired of confessing the same sins over and over again until I just stopped.  In a way, I created my own practice by asking for forgiveness directly from God, thinking and hoping that in his infinite mercy, He would forgive me. I am not here to debate on whether God does or does not forgive sins absent the sacrament of reconciliation.  But I am here to witness and to testify, that the sacrament of reconciliation combined with perfect contrition, and a firm resolve to do better, by the grace of God can indeed be liberating.

I was asked many years ago in a ‘Days with the Lord’ retreat back in Manila – ‘Why do I need to confess if I know that I will commit the sin again?’ In textbook style, I answered that it is to give you the grace to overcome whatever sin (whether venial or mortal) was committed. In my mind I knew that was true, but I never really practiced it.

On December 9, 2010, I was attending an Opus Dei recollection. For many weeks previous to this day, I was preparing to go to confession (trying to) by making an examination of conscience. There were already a few opportunities to go to confession previous to this day, but I always chickened out. Now, here I was a few more weeks before Christmas, and I really felt God prodding me, telling me to ‘GO.’ Still, I was afraid and as a result, I was not really able to listen to the teachings of the priest. I kept on looking at the line of confession and in a way was hoping that it would stay long, once again giving me some form of excuse. I WAS NOT READY – MAYBE SOME OTHER TIME. But then at the back of my head a voice was saying ‘GO.’

In the end I did go. I was really afraid of being scolded as it had been 2 years since my last confession. Not even having uttered a word, I started to cry inside the confessional. I immediately told the priest that it had been so long since my last confession. With those words uttered, I cringed, expecting an outburst. But what the priest said filled me with hope, peace, and tranquility. He said, ‘Welcome back my son.’

I had the opportunity to go again to confession on the 23^rd of December, 2010. I had read in THE FAITH EXPLAINED (by Fr. Leo Trese) that frequently going to confession (even as often as once a week) gives us the grace to be able to not only be one with God, but gives us the power and strength to battle whatever weaknesses we may have. For the first time that I can ever remember in my 40 years of life, I was prepared for the celebration of the Birth of Jesus our God.

Father Dave ended his homily by saying that it is his duty to ensure that we are able to receive the sacrament of confession. He said that anyone who would want to go to confession, to simply approach him after every mass, anytime of the week, by appointment, or during the regular schedule every Saturdays. Thank you Father Dave!

To all my friends and family, I urge you to go to confession – frequently. It only takes less than 5 minutes, but once done can form into a habit. Forming a good habit will help you break bad habits. If you don’t have any bad habits, it will still fill you with God’s grace. What have you got to lose?